so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
