oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
oh god the rape fog is back!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize