You just made me feel so damn special
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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