I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
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