he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
