I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
