i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
