like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
