Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
