she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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