Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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