i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize