He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
