I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
