so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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