If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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