So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
