Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
