my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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