Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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