I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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