i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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