Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
