I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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