Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
