did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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