so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
