In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
