I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
