watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
