Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
only if we run a train.
done.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
