they need to just BURY HIM!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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