I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
