no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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