I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
