i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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