i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
