You can't motorboat a personality
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
