No stitches, just platelets and will power
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
