As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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