A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
