Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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