My nipple is on Facebook.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
