my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
