her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
