Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
