Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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