Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
