finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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