nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
