Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
