I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
