pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
