Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We have started to decorate penises.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize