Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
