Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
