I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize