it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
