My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
