Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
