You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
