I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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