What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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