last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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