i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
