I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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