Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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