I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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