If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
