Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize