Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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