I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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