i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm getting married
To pizza
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
