If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
